Inquiring Mind Mind, Inquiring

blah

Why does my boyfriend have to watch other women while we are having sex? He tells me he has always looked at other women on TV with or without their clothes on. He does not want me to make eye contact with him while we are having sex either. We have been together for 4 years now. He has asked me to marry him and I do love him. I feel like I am not getting the intimacy I need to make a life partner with him. I really need to understand what's going on in our relationship.

jeannie

SteveC

Dear V,
I am attractive and sexual enough and I love this man. I have asked him what he needs to watch other women while we have sex and he tells me it is just something he's always done. I just haven't been around it before and I am not sure how to feel about it.
I will probably end up having to ask my doctor for information, but I am embarrassed. So instead of a private consultation, I've posted my problem on the internet

frt0502

It probably doesn't have anything to do with you. He is attracted enough to you, to want to have sex with you in the first place. And if he is saying that he always needed this then it certainly isn't you. Sounds like it is a habit he has developed. People can kind of...get themselves hooked on a certain way of achieving satisfaction, and this sounds like his. It may have started a very long time ago. Possible he masturbated to visuals of women, not unusual, but sounds like now he is dependant on them. Tell him it bothers you, and maybe he can work on changing this...it is changeable.

dm15

Just smack him, until his attention is back. Then proceed.
Honestly, that is rude. If I had the lack of tact to try that with my wife, I would get tossed off quick, and deservedly so.
If it is a habit he feels he can't unlearn, ask him how long he can hold out, until he can change the behavior. You don't need a kick in the self-esteem, every time you want to make love.